Jokes-Preview

CLEAN JOKES TO MAKE YOU LAUGH
By: Moshe Elijah, Born-again Messianic Jew
ISBN: 978-0-9870799-6-1
Sydney, Australia January, 2012

Laughter is like a good medicine. It is a tonic of health for the spirit, soul and body.

Table of contents

CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION ………………………….. 4
A. Laughter is a good medicine ……………………………. 4
B. Relevant scriptures in Bible …………………….. …….. 4
C. Remedy for a broken, crushed spirit and sickness .. 5

CHAPTER 2: JOKES …………………………………………. 8
1: The Sinking of the Titanic ……………………………….. 8
2: Promotion of Clergy ………………………………………. 8
3: Chinese Jews …………………………………………………. 9
4: Moses crossing the Red Sea ………………………………10
5: Messianic Jewish son of the Jewish Rabbi ……………11
6: Shop between Coles and Woolworths ………………….12
7: Money thrown into Coffin …………………………………13
8: Pope in the Heaven ………………………………………….15
9: Japanese Jews …………………………………………………16
10: The Shamus- the servant care taker …………………..17
11: Using Israeli Engineers to cross the Red Sea ………..19
12: Napoleon ………………………………………………………20
13: Clown ……………………………………………………………20
14: Crazy Doctor ………………………………………………….21
15: The clever Jew who had the last laugh …………………21
16: US offer of 2 Generals ………………………………………23
17: Comparison of 2 Presidents ………………………………24
18: Selling Shoes in Africa ………………………………………25
19: How to become smart ……………………………………….26
20: Spinster and 3 Hymns ………………………………………27
21: Man with coarse language ………………………………….28
22: Pope and Jewish Rabbi ……………………………………..28
23: The Christian by name only ……………………………….30
24: Pope drives a car ……………………………………………..31
25: The sick Chinaman …………………………………………..34
26: The drunken man and the Priest …………………………35
27: A Jew in a Catholic City ……………………………………..36
28: The Pope and the Jew ……………………………………….37
29: Witty Biblical Statements …………………………………..39
30: Whisky drunk after collision ……………………………..41
Riddle: Adam and Eve ……………………………………………43

CHAPTER 3: CONCLUDING STATEMENT ……………..46

~~

CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION

A. Laughter is a good medicine
King Solomon’s Proverbs in the Bible state that a merry heart is like a good medicine.

Listening to funny jokes can make a person laugh. Laughter makes the heart of a person merry, which in turn improves a person’s health.

Conversely, the Bible also indicates a broken heart (crushed spirit) would “dry up the bones”, which would result in sickness.

B. Relevant scriptures in Bible.
(1) Proverbs 17/22: Old Testament, King James Version.
“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.”
(2) Proverbs 17/22: Old Testament, New International Version “A cheerful heart is a good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”

C. Remedy for a broken, crushed spirit and sickness
(1) Listening to funny jokes
This makes you laugh, which relaxes many muscles in the body. This would improve health.

(2) Watching comedy Movies
This would make a person laugh and become merry, improving the health of the person.

(3). Examples of Comedy Movies
Jerry Seinfeld, Frasier, Murphy Brown, The Nanny, I Love Lucy, The 3 Stooges, David Letterman Show, The Jon Stewart Show on TV, etc.

(4). Example of Norman Cousins
There is a movie based on the book, titled “The Anatomy of an illness.” It gives the story of Norman Cousins who had suddenly become sick with a spinal disease. He became paralysed and bed ridden.

He cured himself by using laughter. He watched comedy movies, as well as taking Vitamin C injections, eating raw vegetable salads and a healthy diet. He had the doctor take blood tests before and after watching a 1 and half hour comedy movie. Everyone was impressed to observe a significant improvement in the blood tests, after each movie.

This proved the Bible scripture, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.”

(5) Having a happy, cheerful, social fellowship/ companionship with good friends
This relationship would give the person a merry heart. This is like a good medicine and would result in improvement in general health.

(6) Laughter used in Hospitals
It is interesting to note that in some hospitals, in the Cancer Ward, laughter is used to make the sick people feel good. The patients are recommended to watch comedy movies and to be involved in activities to make them laugh.

The doctors state that laughter would release the Endorphin hormones in the human body, which would make the person feel good.

This corresponds to the Bible scriptures, which indicate that when a person’s heart is merry, cheerful, happy, then the person’s heart condition of good feeling is like a good medicine.

(7) Laughter Courses in Colleges
There are courses on laughter in some evening colleges. The corresponding benefits of laughter are emphasised in these courses.

(8) Dr. Patch Adams used Laughter.
The movie “Patch Adams” described the life story of Dr. Patch Adams, a brilliant Doctor of Medicine. He made sick people laugh in hospitals when he was a medical student, improving their health.

When he graduated as a Doctor of Medicine, he opened up a big farm with accommodation for sick people and used laughter as a main item to make people well. The movie stated that Patch Adams had several hundred doctors who agree with his method of medicine and joined his team at the “Healing Farm” to make people “Feel good” and become better.

The movie concluded by stating that there was a long waiting list of doctors who wanted to join his team, to use laughter as a medicine

~~

Sample Jokes

1: The Sinking of the Titanic
A Jewish man is yelling, “Everybody is blaming the Jews for all disasters. Now they are blaming a Jew for the sinking of that big ship–the Titanic. Oi vey, oi vey, what Tsouris (trouble, distress).

They are proclaiming that a Jew by the name of GOLDBERG, or ICEBERG sank the Titanic.”

2: Promotion of Clergy
A Jewish Rabbi asked a Catholic Priest to how high a position he could be promoted. The Priest said he could be promoted to Bishop. Then the Rabbi asked him further what the next level was. The Priest said it would be Cardinal. The Rabbi asked him further what the next level was. The Priest said that if he was very popular and if he was very fortunate, he may become Pope. The Rabbi asked him what the next level of promotion was. The Priest became very exasperated and replied, “Do you expect me to become God? “

The Rabbi replied, “Why not? One of our Jewish Rabbi’s became God.” (Meaning of course, the Jewish Jesus Christ).

3: Chinese Jews
When the Romans conquered Jerusalem in 70 AD, the Jews were scattered all over the world. Some Jews ended up in Shanghai, China. Recently, about 10 years ago, a Jewish Rabbi from Israel, whose name was Rabbi Yitzhak Cohen, went to China to look for these Chinese Jews.  He finally arrived to Shanghai. It was a hot Sunday afternoon and he went into a Chinese restaurant to have some Kosher vegetable soup.

After he finished consuming the soup, he called the Chinese waiter over to his table. When the waiter came over, the Rabbi introduced himself. “Shalom, I am a Jewish Rabbi from Israel. Do you have any Chinese Jews here?”

The Chinese waiter, who had little knowledge of English, replied, “So solly Sir, we have only Apple Juice.”

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